OFFICE MEMOTo: All EmployeesFrom: ManagementEffective: IMMEDIATELYDress code:It is advised that you should come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $400 Prada shoes and carrying an $800 Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.Sick days:We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.Personal Days:Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.Bereavement Leave:This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead f! riends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.Surgery:As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.Toilet Use:Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the CHRONIC OFFENDERS category. PLEASE ! BE AWARE: Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.Lunch Break:Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Large sized people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a slim-fast.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR LOYALTY to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplateions, conservations, and input should be directed elsewhere, such as unemployment services.
~Lost Soulz~

A must read!! While a man was polishing his new car, his 4 yr old son picked up stoneand scratched lines on the side of the car. In anger, the man took the child's hand and hit it many times; not realizing he was using a wrench. At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures. When the child saw his father.....with painful eyes he asked, 'Dad when will my fingers grow back?' The man was so hurt and speechless; he went back to his car and kicked it a lot of times. Devastated by his own actions......sitting in front of that car he lookedat the scratches; the child had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'. The next day that man committed suicide. . . Anger and Love have no limits; choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovelylife..... Things are to be used and people are to be loved, But the problem in today's world is that, People are used and things are loved... During this year, let's be careful to keep this thought in mind: Things are to be used, but People are to be loved ... Be yourself....This is the only day we HAVE. Have a nice day..
~LOST SOULZ~

Paint.NET

Paint.NET

MOM'S ISSUE.

I never thought of this.......This lady has now changed her habit of how she lists her names on her mobile phone after her handbag was stolen. Her handbag, which contained her cell phone, credit card, wallet... Etc...was stolen.20 minutes later when she called her hubby, from a pay phone telling him what had happened, hubby says 'I received your text asking about our Pin number and I've replied a little while ago.'When they rushed down to the bank, the bank staff told them all the money was already withdrawn. The thief had actually used the stolen cell phone to text 'hubby' in the contact list and got hold of the pin number. Within 20 minutes he had withdrawn all the money from their bank account.Moral of the lesson:Do not disclose the relationship between you and the people in your contact list.Avoid using names like Home, Honey, Hubby, Sweetheart, Dad, Mom, etc.... And very importantly, when sensitive info is being asked through texts, CONFIRM by calling back.Also, when you're being text by friends or family to meet them somewhere, be sure to call back to confirm that the message came from them. If you don't reach them, be very careful about going places to meet 'family and friends' who text you.
I never thought about THAT! As of now, I no longer have 'home' listed on my cell phone.
~LOST SOULZ~

Crazy but true.

A couple of weeks ago a friend told me that someone she knew had their car broken into while they were at a football game. Their car was parked on the green which was adjacent to the football stadium and specially allotted to football fans. Things stolen from the car included a garage door remote control, some money and a GPS which had been prominently mounted on the dashboard.When the victims got home, they found that their house had been ransacked and just about everything worth anything had been stolen.The thieves had used the GPS to guide them to the house. They then used the garage remote control to open the garage door and gain entry to the house. The thieves knew the owners were at the football game, they knew what time the game was scheduled to finish and so they knew how much time they had to clean out the house. It would appear that they had brought a truck to empty the house of its contents.And thats how her car looks like know..~LOST SOULZ~

ME

WELCOME TO MY NEW BLOG STOP BY AGAIN SOON.